Asian Judgement

It’s a difficult task for any Asian to be different in the Asian culture. The Asian code of conduct is so firm, ingrained, and rigid that is it impossible to escape. Even the most rebellious teenager will naturally and instinctively bow and defer to any elderly person. I think the worst that Asian teenagers can do to hurt their parents is to get an art degree and become an artist of some sort.

Asians can’t be different. Even when they try to be different, they end up being collectively different in the same way. Doesn’t make sense, but it makes sense to them.

Look at all the “rebellious”, “bad ass” images of Asian youths. These youths try to project an image of “I don’t give a damn.”, but they do give a damn. They all look like they came out of the same fashion plate. And I know they give a damn because as soon as they get home from whatever they were doing, they do their homework, study for the test, and make their A’s.

And if an Asian does break the code of conduct, then there are just three simple explanations.

“You lazy.”
Any deficiencies in character will first go through the lazy filter. If laziness can explain away what you did or didn’t do, then the Asian race has made it’s judgement. You erred in your ways. It is unforgivable, but not totally unredeemable. You just need to work harder.

Didn’t get an A on the test? Laziness is the illness, and hard work is the cure.

Didn’t get the promotion at work? You did not work hard enough. Work harder.

You work 40 hours a week? You are taking it too easy. 65-80 hour work weeks are respectable. Weekends are bonus days to get more work done.

“You stoo-pid.”
If you worked hard, studied hard, and were meticulous in planning the bank robbery, but you got caught anyways, then you must be stupid. You certainly weren’t lazy, but you were stupid. How could you be so stupid? Your missteps and flaws are open to brutal judgement and analysis.

“Why you use old car for get-away car? Your car broke down and you got caught.”
“Why you not use new car for get-away car? You get away faster.”
“Noon, is wrong time to rob bank. I say three o’clock. People sleepy then.”
“Aiyahh, you so stoo-pid. I can do better.”

Finally, if you do work hard, make good decisions, but still defy Asian understanding then you must be “so gay!” Don’t expect flexibility in thinking with Asians, especially old Asians.

You are a good kid, always on the honor-roll, perfect attendance, but you come home one day with a new hairstyle that your parents don’t understand. This is what you will be asked:

“Why you cut your hair that way? You so gay?”

“Why you wear pink shirt? Men wear white shirt. You so gay?”

“Why you no married yet? You so gay?”

You disappoint your family. Instead of being another doctor in the family, you graduate with an art degree, work hard, and make lots of money. You aren’t lazy. Making lots of money compensate for the liberal arts degree, but you are an artist. Why are you an artist? Why not a doctor, a scientist, a mathematician? There is no job security in being an artist – no hospital to work in, no laboratory or research facility to work at, no teaching position at a university, no government job. Something is wrong with you. You are different.

Aunts and Uncles will ask, “Why you artist? There is no job security. You so gay?”

Of course you are not gay. You are in a heterosexual relationship with two kids. But they are convinced that you are. They are smug and sure that you will come out of your closet one day. They are just waiting for that day. Until that day, whenever they see you, you will get the tired:

“You still artist? Why you so gay?”

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