Caffeinated Memories

People don't seem to think that I work.  That's a shame.  I am constantly being asked by inquisitive strangers and relations, "When will you go to work?" or some variation of that line of questioning.

I tell them, "Why work, Darling?  I have achieved the American Dream.  I have found a rich American man to work and support me."

For my husband's family to hear that, I am sure it irritates them to no end to think that a gold-digger , a no-good, lazy woman has her hands on their son's/ brother's money - the poor son/brother is getting the poor end of the bargain. 

For my family to hear it, they must think that I have fallen into the American pit of doom: lack of ambition. To them, value is measured in money, and when a woman makes no money, she has no value.  They are scared for me because I am not living up to my fullest earning potential, wasting away at home - they pity me because he will leave me and I will have nothing.

For the inquisitive strangers, they get the shock value that they deserve for questioning my life.  In fact, anyone can take my statement however they like.  How they react to my statement reflects more on their value than my statement alone.

It amazes me, that in world so fraught with violence, upheaval, turmoil, poverty, suffering, despair, and more urgent problems, that people find it more interesting to examine the validity of  a housewife.

I guess, people in general, are vain in the sense that they think the world is always interested in their opinions,especially, the unsolicited opinions. While I find people's thoughts and opinions entertaining, I don't live by other people's opinion.  If I did, I would be running a constant opinion poll, or run for office, or, better yet, ask for their opinions about how to live my life.

I am sure, I am not the only housewife who has had to suffer through the cross examinations about why they do what they do and when they will do something else.

Life is so short.  I aim to enjoy it on my own terms, doing what is right.  If people aim their poison arrows my way, the best I can do is to deflect them with a little bit of my own wicked humor and let these pesky people stew in their own interpretations.

The world may be falling apart, but my world is rich. I am constantly finding myself falling into rich pots. All I have to do is call a phone number. Rich, dead people have left me their millions. I have won lotteries. Monarchs have needed my assistance, and promised of rich rewards.

Since I am so rich, I don't need the following money and so I can share with you all the following email that I just received. I know that by sharing this email, I am losing out on the money and inviting "another hoax", but I have tens of millions "in the mail". 



Attention Dear.

Your overdue payments of $2.5million U.S.D had resolved to pay you in cash,by boxing the monies and put to FedEx to deliver to you,to avoid another hoax as your disappinted in the past and do not disclose this transaction with any person.contact them with the below information. DR. DAVID TANKO; Director General FedEx Delivery Company Benin Republic. Email::(fedex_express_cc@live.fr) Tel Fax Phone +22998688340.

The below are the information their need from you

Your full name______
Your home address______
Mobile Phone____
Your Country______
A Copy Of Your picture_____
Your Nearest Airport_______

Your shipping reference code:AXD-101-87529K, shipment recipient's (FedEx)

Yours Sincerely
Rev Paul Robert
National Co-ordinator Foreign Payment.
cell +22996443228

 We had a rodent problem.  It was annoying as heck.  It's unnerving to see scurrying shadows at night.  And even worse, was to hear the rodents gnaw away the wood inside the walls.  The noise from that was extremely loud and psychologically frightening.  It was nerve wracking to know that support beams were being compromised.

We had a rodent problem until we left for vacation.  I went to Wal-mart and bought the store out of all their glue traps.  A man, seeing the amount of traps that I bought, commented, "That's some rodent problem you have."

"Yes, sir." I replied.  "We do have rodents."

The night before we left I literally covered the kitchen and pantry floor with the glue traps.  The next morning, we caught two.  I replaced the two glue traps with fresh ones and we left for three weeks.

When we came on from a three week vacation,  we  walked into killing zone.  We had caught 4 mice.  From the blood splatterings, it was evident that  they struggled and fought to the end to try and free themselves.  Their ending must have been gruesome and prolonged.  One mouse must have tried to tear itself free, because it left patches of skin and fur in different places on the glue trap.  Others just got stuck, and died as they were.

If there were any surviving rodents, they must have scared off.  Mice are smart, they can hear and smell fear.  Maybe having the dead rodents linger longer than usual got the message across.

I want to feel bad for the rodents, but somehow I don't.  I am sorry that they suffered, but boy am I glad to be rid of rodents.

Today, I went to Starbucks on Franklin St, in Chapel Hill and did my part to support our troops.  I bought two pounds of coffee for the troops of the US armed forces, and as a reward, I was given two free cups of coffee and 10% off of my entire purchases.  Starbucks will ship the coffee.

I have a four year old miracle child.  She told me herself.  She said she fell asleep one night without brushing her teeth - and her teeth did not rot!  It was a miracle.  I was so happy for her, but I did warn her that miracles don't often repeat itself, so she shouldn't think that she can skip on brushing her teeth.

She asked me if I was ever a miracle child?  Yes, I told her.  The fact that I am alive is a miracle. 

What about your teeth?" she asked 

My teeth.  There are no miracles there, only cautionary tales about too much candy and poor brushing habits.

When did you have your first cavity?

Before I had teeth, I had cavities.  I was more of a Ripley's Believe It or Not child.  I was just weird.