Caffeinated Memories

Happy Holiday Greetings From The Clydesdales!


Happy Holidays to everyone! This past year has been a wild year, but we are thankful that we survived it. Verne, the kids, and I are doing well, now. Verne is safe and sound at home now. His flight home was uneventful, although his trip wasn't. Who knew that he had such an imagination?

Somewhere back in March, Verne suffered a mid-life realization. He felt the need to find himself, and so he found himself gambling. The losses were small and big. After burning through all the saving accounts, he came to his senses and stop gambling. Then Verne realized he was missing the excitement and thrill of new things. Somehow, he managed to find himself chatting with another woman on-line. He fell in love with her, withdrew all his retirement money, took an international flight to Britain to meet her and start a new life. His secret woman turned out to a be man, who beat him up and robbed him of all the cash. Verne is recuperating at home. He has a bruised face, sore ribs, and lots of explaining to do. The kids and I still love him, but we are curious as to how much money do we still have left?

Despite the prospects of poverty, the kids are happy and cheerful. Our oldest, Stinker, made us proud this year. After years of obedience school, Stinker has finally graduated. In June, he received his "I Am Now a Good Dog" badge and the necessary obedience school certificate so he can go the Doggie Daycare while I go back to work. He no longer bites Verne's leg and he plays nicely with Sweets, our other kid.

Sweets, is happier these days since Stinker is nicer to be around. Sweets is no longer afraid to share the couch with Stinker. He is very happy to have Verne back home. He follows Verne everywhere and snuggles with Verne. Sweets just adores Verne. He will have no problem at Doggie Daycare. His wonderful temperament and friendliness will help him make friends.

Verne will continue to work and I will soon be the daytime activities coordinator at the retirement home. We will try to make small vacations this year, but we will mostly stay at home. With work and the kids, our year looks pretty full.

Happy New Year!

Love,

Verne, Julie, Stinker, and Sweets

To me this seems to be the gist of the national healthcare debate:

"Don't have health insurance? You're screwed? Well, I'm not, so screw you!"

It sucks to hear such mean, short-sighted thinking. It's depressing to think that such thinking exists.

"Who are you?" commanded the soldier.

"I am an Amer-I-CAN! Sir, yes, Sir!" replied the second graders of St. Anthony Catholic School.

For their stout, faithful, inspired participation, all those young Catholics were awarded badges of courage, loyalty, strength! They were given licenses to shoot communists and anyone who dare to say that he is an Amer-I-CAN'T. They were also given small, hand-held American flags, American flag stickers, American flag rulers to embolden and encourage their spirits.

"Who are you?"

"I am an Amer-I-Can! Sir, yes, Sir!"

"If I come back here tomorrow and ask you, 'Who are you?', what will you say?"

"I am an Amer-I-Can! Sir, yes, Sir!"


In the whole blur of childhood and any attempt at an education, this one moment stood out. Almost everything was true. Obviously, the part about the licenses to shoot the communists did not happen. But believe it or not, my second grade class was told that anyone who had an Amer-I-CAN'T attitude should be shot. He said that in America anything CAN happen and we CAN achieve anything. Anyone who didn't try and believe in success is not an I-Can person, he is an I-Can't person, and I-Can't people are not Amer-I-CANs.

That's why I am such an I-Can person. If my mother's work ethics didn't impress me, then that U.S soldier, from that moment in time, sure did. That soldier was probably just speaking from the heart, speaking from a source of pride and deep loyalty to his country.

We were in awe of the I-Can Man. We knew he was in war and killed lots of people. He probably rode in a tank. He probably just got back from war, where he killed lots of people, and he could kill us, too, if he found out that we were I-Can't people.

Asian woman says, "You fat!"

Anyone who knows an Asian woman intimately, will understand that, next to money, size is very important. No one is more critical and observant about this matter than an Asian woman. It's not about your weight, how skinny you feel- it's the size you are, the shape of you.

A size "2" is a respectable, standard size. "0" will raise eyebrows in silent admiration. "00" is darkly, secretly enviable, coveted.

Going up to a size "3", for an Asian woman, will signal the alarm bells. Kindly aunts and relations will simply state, "You fat." There is no hurtful intention, just a simple, pure, honest observation that signals the need to do self examination and to be on guard. Asians pride themselves in honesty to their family, especially to their children. They will be brutally honest if they feel like they have to because they find it appalling to have their family, especially their children, make fools of themselves in public and bring shame to the family. (Note: very few Asian children will dare go on tv to make jackasses of themselves. Their parents, extended family, the whole Asian community are watching.)

Such honesty, should be appreciated, because when an aunt wails, "YOU FAT!", Asians believe it. The world will be deceivingly polite. Friends will want to spare feelings. People will say soothing things like, "You are just pleasingly plump, big and beautiful, perfect the way you are..." But it takes the Asian family to tell the truth - the real truth that is in the mind of people when they look at a person, their body, their shape. Asians don't buy into the self-delusion. There is no such words as "pleasingly plump" or "big and beautiful" in their vocabulary.

Asians trust their family because their family will not lie to them. If they do something stupid, they will be told so. They will get the total, unvarnished, "You stoo-pid!", "Why you rob the bank?", "Now you go to jail!". There will be no the-devil-made-me-do-it defence. You rob the bank, you apologize, you go to jail.

Now going beyond size "3", "4" and into the "6" and above will not get anyone jail time, but it will sentence the Asian woman to the constant, "You fat" until the message is heard and action is taken.

People don't seem to think that I work.  That's a shame.  I am constantly being asked by inquisitive strangers and relations, "When will you go to work?" or some variation of that line of questioning.

I tell them, "Why work, Darling?  I have achieved the American Dream.  I have found a rich American man to work and support me."

For my husband's family to hear that, I am sure it irritates them to no end to think that a gold-digger , a no-good, lazy woman has her hands on their son's/ brother's money - the poor son/brother is getting the poor end of the bargain. 

For my family to hear it, they must think that I have fallen into the American pit of doom: lack of ambition. To them, value is measured in money, and when a woman makes no money, she has no value.  They are scared for me because I am not living up to my fullest earning potential, wasting away at home - they pity me because he will leave me and I will have nothing.

For the inquisitive strangers, they get the shock value that they deserve for questioning my life.  In fact, anyone can take my statement however they like.  How they react to my statement reflects more on their value than my statement alone.

It amazes me, that in world so fraught with violence, upheaval, turmoil, poverty, suffering, despair, and more urgent problems, that people find it more interesting to examine the validity of  a housewife.

I guess, people in general, are vain in the sense that they think the world is always interested in their opinions,especially, the unsolicited opinions. While I find people's thoughts and opinions entertaining, I don't live by other people's opinion.  If I did, I would be running a constant opinion poll, or run for office, or, better yet, ask for their opinions about how to live my life.

I am sure, I am not the only housewife who has had to suffer through the cross examinations about why they do what they do and when they will do something else.

Life is so short.  I aim to enjoy it on my own terms, doing what is right.  If people aim their poison arrows my way, the best I can do is to deflect them with a little bit of my own wicked humor and let these pesky people stew in their own interpretations.